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17 July 2019

Secrets & Lies

(Courtesy: google.com)

Let's face it, thanks to the Age of Social Media everyone is free to spew their political stance, opinion, jokes, opinion disguised in jokes, photos of cute kitties romping with lions (and/or mice, doggies, etc.), what we're having for breakfast, lunch, brunch and munch and things really much too personal for universe-wide distribution ("Does this look infected to you?")

The line between truth and fiction has become severely Mr. Magooed.  For those of you who don't know and are probably under the age of 100, that means blurred.  (Mr. Magoo, you see, was ... Oh never mind!)

So, how about some unabridged truth?

Here's a short list of my absolute truths and downright lies.  I'll make it easy for you to discover which is which.  If you want to have some fun, squint your good eye before looking at the answer.  OK, let's begin.

I wrote a book. 

(Release the squint.)

Yes it's true, although Did I Write That Out Loud? -- We Might As Well Laugh, It's Only Life has turned out to be more of a secret than I hoped.  (Quick note:  What's wrong with those people at the New York Times best-seller list?  Do they not recognize genius when they see it?)

Dear Sir or Madam, will you read my book?
It took me years to write, will you take a look?


That's a lie.  Those lines are from the 1966 Beatles song Paperback Writer, penned by Paul McCartney, although some sources say the late John Lennon helped.  Both get credit. I'm pretty sure McCartney and Lennon weren't thinking of me when they penned the lyrics.

We can't be certain, though, can we?  I never thought the day would come with people would remove the lid from half gallons of Blue Bell ice cream in supermarkets, lick the contents, put the cartons back on the shelf and post their little prank or rebellion against THE (ice cream) MAN on the UWW (Universe Wide Web).  It did, though, didn't it?

So, with homage (That means ripping-off) to the Beatles:

Dear Sir or Madam, will you read my book?  It took me years to write, will you take a look?

It's easy to do, just click on this handy little link.  Thank you, UWW, for helping me sell my book.

Angelina Jolie once challenged me to a fistfight.


That's absolutely true.  It was the summer of 2001 during interviews for Lara Croft:  Tomb Raider in Los Angeles, I believe.  A little put-off by her character parading around in what amounted to a wet T-shirt while battling seemingly dozens of baddies in some way-up-north frozen tundra cave during the adventure based on a video game, I asked her if she thought Lara Croft ran like a girl.  Ms. Jolie looked at me and said, "You and me are going to have to fistfight."  I don't remember much after that.  I may have passed out.

You can actually lose pounds if you buy my book titled, of course, Did I Write That Out Loud? -- We Might As Well Laugh, It's Only Life.


True, although to lose pounds you need to purchase my book in Great Britain, British Overseas Territories, the South Sandwich Islands and the British Antarctic Territory, as well as Tristan de Cunha, where the British Pound is used as currency. 

Dear Sir or Madam, will you read my book?  It took me years to write, will you take a look?


You're too kind, Cynthia. Thank you for taking the time to comment!

Larry - you once again brought forward your wit along with brilliance with words. I loved this.

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