The Academy of Yawns & Staleness
Mama Ratliff told me two things while I was growing up that have always stuck with me:
- Always keep a $20 bill in your wallet in case of emergencies, and
- If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all.
I've never had much luck with that first one. Every time I have folding money at the ready, there's always an irresistible temptation lurking within arm's reach. Like a half gallon of Blue Bell for $4.99 or Girl Scouts armed with cookies setting up tables at the entrance of grocery stores. Luckily, the Girl Scout thing is only seasonal.
Saying something nice or keeping my big trap shut has been problematic as well. I'm going to try really hard to find something nice to say about last night's sluggish, basically non-eventful, overlong, boring telecast of "The 87th Academy Awards" on ABC. (In case you missed it, here's a link to CNN's list of Oscar winners.)
I'm not even going to mention that first-time Oscar host Neil Patrick Harris, a veteran of working tough pat-each-other-on-the-back-rooms hosting the Tony Awards and television's Emmys, appeared overwhelmed either by an audience of about a billion worldwide or the sea of bright lights and serious Academy voting members (or both) he faced -- at least once dressed only in his tidy whities -- for what seemed like about half my life. (And not the good half, either.)
See, I told you I have trouble saying nice things. So this Academy Awards wrap-up is for you, Mama Ratliff:
I really enjoyed the musical numbers, with one exception: Lady Gaga.
Before you look for the comment button to rave on about how wonderful the often-outlandish Gaga was singing a tribute to Julie Andrews and The Sound of Music in honor of the Best Picture Oscar-winning musical's 50th anniversary, let me state my case.
And Mama Ratliff, forgive me for whipping this out:
Lady Gaga's tats (Read carefully; that's tats) took me completely out of what could have been a lovely, moving tribute both to the movie that took five Oscar wins in 1965 and to Andrews.
I have no problem with the gifted singer who until fairly recently liked to sing while a performance artist threw up all over her doing a 180-degree turn going semi-legit.
Gaga can really warble. But when she rolled into the finale of Climb Every Mountain and thrust out her sleeveless arms to reveal an inked rendering of a trumpet on her right arm and inspirational script in German on the left, let's just say those were not two of my favorite things.
I'm no prude and I have nothing against tattoos on sailors, especially Popeye the Sailor Man, but Ms. Lady should have worn some elegant sleeves to kept her tats under wrap last night.
Now, for the untarnished good stuff:
Tim McGraw's rendition of Glen Campbell's I'm Not Gonna Miss You from Campbell's autobiographical documentary Glen Campbell: I'll Be Me froze me to my recliner. So much so, in fact, that I had a little trouble catching my breath when McGraw calmly, beautifully sang the lyrics inspired by Campbell's ongoing losing battle with Alzheimer's disease.
Anyone who has a history of Alzheimer's disease in their family, as we do, can appreciate the power of words that cut right to the frightening graphic honesty of the brutal disease so much that it rips one's heart in two.
The other powerful musical moment came from gifted singers and performers John Legend and Common.
Glory, the emotional anthem from Selma, the best picture nominee about the civil rights struggles to secure equal voting rights in 1965, brought the Oscar crowd to its feet.
In a perplexing Academy Awards year when no non-white men or women were nominated, it was a befitting tribute that brought tears to the eyes of some, including British actor David Oyelowo, who portrayed Martin Luther King Jr., but who was not nominated.
The heart-melting title tune ends with the word "glory" repeated several times.
Glory hallelujah.
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