Why you didn't hear from me today

Sales.  Not my favorite word.

Selling myself to complete strangers over the telephone; cold calling, the smooth talkers call it.

I cringe at the thought. 

Yet I have a very good product to sell.  (There's that "sell" word again.)  If you're the lifestyle director or activity director for a facility that caters to those 55 and over -- whether it be a retirement home, senior housing community, club or group, or if your organization of any age has an interest in movies  -- I will bring a little levity into the lives of those in your group with my Movie Memories with Larry Ratliff presentation series.

We've had fun and very good success so far with the "Casablanca -- Hollywood's Classic Happy Accident" presentation.  It's a lively hour and a half where I show selected "Casablanca" movie clips and provide behind-the-scenes info that's enjoyable and informative.

I'd love to chat with you about how it will liven up your facility and leave your residents asking for a return engagement.  So call me at 972-599-2150 or shoot me an e-mail ([email protected]) and we'll set up a meeting to discuss a presentation date.  I say that because I should have already contacted you.

Here's why you didn't get that sales call from me today:

1. I'd almost rather eat a rusty nail (not the drink) than dial up a perfect stranger and ask them to hire me, even though I've enjoyed a 30-year career as a film critic, have traveled much of the world interviewing Hollywood's A-list celebrities and show up at your place ready to go with projector, movie screen, sound system and some darn good quips at a reasonable price.
2. My coffee cup's near empty.  I better refill it now.
3. What if I don't make a good impression over the telephone?
4. Now I have coffee, but we're babysitting the grand-dogs (Jaxson and Scooter) for a couple of weeks and I think they need to go out.
5. Now I can call you.  Wait, I almost forgot.  We're keeping the dogs because my step-daughter Lisa is off to Europe -- Prague, can you believe it? -- to play in the world final ultimate Frisbee tournament. (Impressive, if I do say so myself.  Her team is seeded 7th in the world.  The world.  Way to go, Lisa!)
6. Oops, coffee's low again.  Be right back.
7. I'm dialing your number right n... Who's that, the FedEX guy?  'Scuse me just a minute.
8. I wonder how many hits my Web site (LarryRatliff.com) is getting today?  This won't take long.
9. "Hello.  Yeah, how 'bout them Rangers.  What's that?  Sorry, can't do lunch today.  Busy making sales calls."
10. Where was I?  Oh yes ... Oops, must have more coffee.
11. "Yes, Jaxson, it's time for a treat.  Are you wearing a watch, fella?  Come on, Scootie, you too."
12. 972-36... (Hang up quick)  Oh, oh, bathroom break!
13. Hmmm, wondering if I set the DVR to tape tonight's Rangers game?  Big game tonight.
14. Wait a second, it's time for my snack.  When you're dieting (Don't get me started) snack time is very important.
15. "Yes, you're a good boy, Scooter.  Do you need to go outside?  OK, get Jaxson, we'll play ball."
16. Playing tennis for the first time in, oh, about 30 years this weekend.  Better look up where I can find a practice wall.  Don't want to look like a complete idiot out on the court.
17. Coffee?  Why, I'd love another cup.  Thank you, me.
18. "Good afternoon, my name is Larry Ratliff with the Movie Memories presentation series.  May I please speak to Ms. Gilbert, the activity director?  She's already gone for the day?  But it's only ... oh, 6:13."

Man, I just can't catch a break.

I hate sales.

Maybe you better just call me.