Movie Reviews

Auto parts is 'Transformer' parts again

Autobot Optimus Prime prepares for a re-match with the Decepticons.  (Paramount Pictures)

"Transformers:  Revenge of the Fallen"

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Running time: 149 minutes

MPAA rating: PG-13 (extreme violence, profanity, crude material, adult situations, drugs)

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"Transformers:  Revenge of the Fallen"

I'm not even sure if we have a national car czar yet.  But if we do, he or she could learn something from Michael Bay's gear-grinding, eardrum piercing scramble of auto parts titled "Transformers:  Revenge of the Fallen."

Get past the idea of battling forces from outer-space that for some laughable reason disguise themselves as Earthly automobiles and there's something to be said for cars that can go from idle to humanoid-like battle monsters in the time it takes rational adults in the audience to mutter, "They've really made a second movie based on inanimate Hasbro toys; excuse me, action figures?"

In the second sequel, which I hear is in the works, the Autobots might want to concentrate more on microwave ovens and High Def TVs.  I mean, you'd think highly intelligent nuts and bolts from a galaxy far, far away sophisticated enough to take control of our surveillance satellites could take a look at the desperate decline of GM stock once in a while.

Oh well, never mind all that.

It's Round 2 of the Autobots vs. the persistently menacing evil Decepticons in "Transformers:  Revenge of the Fallen." 

 

Except for excellent screeching transformation sounds of metal on metal (Anvil should have a tune on the soundtrack), "Transformers 2" is just more of the same.  A lot more of the same.  Two hours and a half of more of the same.

Granted, I'm not exactly this film's target audience.  But from this aisle seat, once we get past one or two battles, there's a sameness in tone and visuals that settles in that feels like a stuck broken record (Pardon me, a stuck CD).  It just keeps playing out the same scenario over and over.

This is a movie that doesn't really need humans, except for occasional comic relief.  Unfortunately, that comes mostly when Mr. Bay is trying his best to get his actors to play it straight. 

 

Shia LaBeouf is back as Sam, the somewhat nerdy kid who has somehow landed sexpot Mikaela (sexpot Megan Fox) as his true love girlfriend. 

 

LaBeouf might emerge as a real actor to be reckoned with if he'd swerve out of Hollywood mainstream tent-pole franchises like this and "Indiana Jones." 

 

Like his naive character, though, he's overshadowed by two opposing powerful forces: fame and movie roles with something called meaningful plots and dialogue.  The dialogue in this one's about as cheesy as "High School Musical" outtakes when the go-bots aren't around.

Sam is off to college in the sequel, leaving Mikaela to pose over a motorcycle seat in her Daisy Duke shorty-shorts.  Bumblebee, the yellow Chevy Camaro/Autobot, is also left behind.  He (it? I have no idea, really) cries his headlights out when Sam explains the "No Car" freshman rule.

The humans, of course, are merely filler most of the time.  The U.S. military is reduced pretty much to spectator status as a war of the worlds plays out on our home turf.  And speaking of battles, my vote for fiercest warrior of all is Michael Bay himself.

The guy is all about excess ("Pearl Harbor") and really not much of a director (except for the original "Bad Boys" in '95).

But Bay sure knows how to play with cinematic toys and toy with movie fans desperate for action-fantasy entertainment.
 

Drive again and again, they said

Vin Diesel's back at the wheel. (Universal Pictures)

Fast & Furious

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Running time: 108 minutes
MPAA rating: PG-13 (extreme violence, harsh profanity, adult situations, drugs)

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Fast & Furious

Sometimes we forget why we go to the movies, and why other popcorn-munchers do.

If a suspenseful whodunit is your favorite reason to sit in the dark with strangers, or if compelling reality drama is what it takes to get you to crack the cardboard lid on a box of Milk Duds at the movie house, "Fast & Furious" is definitely not for you.

If, on the other hand, you like to see fuel tanker trucks and some high performance street race cars blow up real good, please head to the multiplex auditorium blasting "Fast & Furious" across the big screen.

"That title sounds familiar," my brother said the other day. "Is that an old movie?"

Well, yes and no.

He was thinking of "The Fast and the Furious," the illegal street-race actioner that first kicked the tires on this high-octane action franchise back in 2001. This one's titled "Fast & Furious," and it's both.

Two sequels have burnt rubber across movie screens since. No. 4, and who can blame the movie studio for not wanting everyone to realize this is the third sequel, reunites the first film's two male leads, Vin Diesel and Paul Walker.

As far as story goes, the first adventure and this one draw highest marks. Both fall loosely into the Cain and Abel mold, although the lines are blurred when it comes to which one is righteous.

Ex-con Dominic (Diesel) is the clinched-fist criminal with a shaved head the audience loves. Brian (Walker), an undercover cop in the first thrill ride, is a wild card FBI agent here. They have an odd love/hate relationship that keeps playing out over and over.

Brian is sworn to uphold the law, but he'd really rather be out racing juiced-up rides. Who wouldn't? In all four "Fast and/& Furious" flicks so far, the revving engines never fail to attract gorgeous, slender fender lizards who swivel their hips to the hip-hop music. Some of them, like Gisele (newcomer Gal Gadot), are more than a little curious about Dom's junk in the trunk away from the chrome-chassis thrill rides.

Dom, hiding from the law for years way south of the border in Panama, is lured back to L.A. when someone very close to him dies suddenly.

Mexican drug runners seem to blame, so Dom infiltrates the gang, which just happens to be looking for "real" drivers to speed loads of heroin across the Mexican desert, through tunnels that would make Indiana Jones weep and onto U.S. soil.

If you're surprised that Brian, going undercover again, infiltrates the same gang, maybe you don't go to the movies often enough.

It's good to see Diesel ("Babylon A.D.," "The Pacifier") and Walker ("Flags of Our Fathers") revving up the engines side by side again. If this franchise continues, these two guys need to be in them. They just sort of slip an action clutch when the dynamic is missing.

I don't think that'll be a problem. The end of this one turns out to be a cliff-hanger setting up No. 5.

Make no mistake, this is a B-action flick, so the cliff-hanger brought a sly smile to my face just about the time it did to Diesel's. For what it is, though, director Justin Lin ("The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift" in '06) cranks up the action, the music and the show piece autos just about right for its action-craving target audience.