Movie Reviews

Acting and other 'Twilight' things that bite

Bella (Kristen Stewart) and Edward (Robert Pattinson) are just a couple of crazy kids planning a blood-letting wedding.
(Summit Entertainment)

The Twilight Saga:  Eclipse  

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Running time: 121 minutes

MPAA rating: PG-13 ( intense sequences of action and violence, and some sensuality)

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"The Twilight Saga:  Eclipse"

Lines that are not in "The Twilight Saga:  Eclipse," but should be.

Edward Cullen, perpetual teen vampire:  "Wanna grab a quick bite after graduation?"

Bella Swan, pouting graduating senior virgin human two-timer who's constantly teasing a certain vampire and a certain perpetually shirtless werewolf:  "Yeah, and a cool one."

We might as well joke about "Eclipse," the third "Twilight" movie.  This monster-human romance series has continually morphed into a spoof of itself ever since filmmaker Catherine Hardwicke, a Texas native, left or was given the boot after the initial "Twilight" in 2008.

Hardwicke launched the teen-scream franchise with a decent enough teen vampire/civilian moody blue love story.

The franchise has gone down thrill ever since.

The acting is more stilted with each outing, even from capable Dakota Fanning in her second cameo in this one as Jane, a member of the Volturi (a vampire ruling group).

British director David Slade, who takes over the franchise with No. 3, made a real movie (with real dialogue, real drama and stuff) titled "Hard Candy" in 2005.  He followed-up with the eerie vampire monster mash "30 Days of Night" in 2007 and should have left his bloodsucking horror helming at that.

There's nowhere to go with the "Twilight" franchise, except to orchestrate the further slide down the slippery slope into a perfect storm of pop culture phenomenon, young teen girls with a crush on a dreamy big-screen, milk-faced imaginary boyfriend ("Oh, he bites?  Well, nobody's perfect.") and peer pressure to jump on the latest pop bandwagon.

In Episode 3, based on Stephenie Meyer's novel "Eclipse" and once again adapted by Melissa Rosenberg, the folks of Forks, WA are gearing up for high school graduation.  Bella (Kristen Stewart) isn't sending out invitations or applying to any colleges, though.

The forever glum "Twilight" ingénue spends her time sitting in a field of wildflowers discussing when she and 100-year-old teen vampire boyfriend Edward (Robert Pattinson) are going to "do it," which, of course, means to turn her into an immortal so they can live happily ever after and after and after.

Now this is shocking.  I mean, a vampire able to sit comfortably outside in broad daylight?  Who signed off on a complete disregard for vampire rules?  Is nothing sacred in schlocky monster-horror flicks anymore?

Putting that monumental problem aside for a second, nothing much of interest happens in the second "Twilight" sequel.  Edward and ab-noxious, muscle-flexing werewolf rival Jacob Black (decent actor Taylor Lautner) are forced to form an uneasy alliance, which is no big whoop.

A Newborn Army of blood-thirsty vampires is strolling down through the woods from Seattle to have a go at ripping Bella to shreds.   She has little time to worry about such things.  Bella has more pressing problems, like juggling bracelets given to her by each of her beast beaus.

The jugular will just have to wait until the next sequel.

That one should be titled, but isn't, "Twilight's Last Gleaming."

Boys, even as 'Grown Ups,' will be boring

David Spade, top, and Adam Sandler letting comedy slide.  (Columbia Pictures)

Grown Ups

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Running time:  102 minutes

MPAA rating: PG-13 (crude material including suggestive references, profanity and some male rear nudity)

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"Grown Ups"

What do you get when you send a gaggle of decent comics and a dozen or so support players out to a lake house to make a movie comedy about old pals?

Not much.  And, oh yeah, "Grown Ups."

Adam Sandler, who played a comedian who thought he was dying last year in "Funny People," really does die comically in this dismal ensemble series of tasteless sight gags about passed gas, a dog with his vocal chords slashed and an arrow through the foot (not once, but twice).

And, oh yeah, Sandler's comic pals Kevin James, Chris Rock, David Spade and Rob Schneider die right along with him, as do former "Saturday Night Live" alums Maya Rudolph, Colin Quinn, Tim Meadows, Tim Herlihy and Norm Macdonald.

The idea, co-written by Sandler and former "Saturday Night Live" scribe Fred Wolf ("Strange Wilderness," "Without a Paddle" and "Joe Dirt," if that tells you anything) is this.

Five starters on a boys basketball team reunite 30 years later at the lake house where they celebrated a city championship.  They bring their families.  In the rush to pack, however, they forgot to bring the funny.

Comedy is hard.  Ensemble comedy is even harder because the jokes must be divvied up.  Sadly, "Grown Ups" is just hard to watch.

Even though this movie has a script and is allegedly directed by Dennis Dugan ("Happy Gilmore," but also "I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry"), it wanders aimlessly through trite lowbrow humor and boys-will-be-boys gawk sessions at some of the females in the cast.

Speaking of the women unfortunate enough to be part of all this, Maria Bello ("Thank You for Smoking," "A History of Violence") draws some laughs as "got milk" mama Sally Lamonsoff.  Salma Hayek, now acting under her married name Salma Hayek Pinault, doesn't embarrass herself as Roxanne, Sandler's on screen fashion designer wife.

"Grown Ups" reminds me of the awful 2004 con-man comedy "The Big Bounce."  Owen Wilson, Charlie Sheen, Morgan Freeman and country crooner Willie Nelson all looked like they were having a blast hanging out in Hawaii for that one.  But the movie sucked.

Change the beach to a Massachusetts lake front and the players to Sandler and the gang (including his wife and kids in small roles), and the results are unfortunately the same.

A good time must have been had by all ... on the set.  Not so much for those of us in the audience, though.

An eccentric junkyard comedy from France

Dany Boon as lovable child-man Bazil.  (Sony Pictures Classics)

Micmacs 

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Running time: 104 minutes

MPAA rating: R (some sexuality and brief violence)

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"Micmacs"

Gadget-filled movies can be tricky to pull off.  Spend too much time showing the click-clack movements and the playful tone of even a merry little film can become lost.

That's not a problem for French filmmaker Jean-Pierre Jeunet.  Offbeat forms the center, not the edge, for most cinematic dazzlements from the writer-director of "Delicatessen" in 1991, "The City of Lost Children" in 1995 and the Oscar-nominated gem "Amélie" in 2001.

In French with subtitles, "Micmacs" beautifully blends Jeunet's love for the eccentric and the outrageous.  Dany Boon, the gifted French star of  "The Valet," hops in Jeunet's freakish rumble seat as gentle-but-vengeful Bazil and scores another winner.

Oddly, Boon wasn't even supposed to appear in "Micmacs."  Jeunet and writing partner Guillaume Laurant penned the role with Jamel Debbouze ("Indigènes") in mind.  Debbouze bowed out shortly before shooting was to begin.  Boon hesitated at first (turned down the role, actually), then was lured back in.

Thank goodness he did.  Boon turns in a flawless performance as a man who has been victimized twice by weapons of single destruction.  When he was a child, his father was taken from him by a land mine.  As an adult, Bazil takes a stray bullet to the head while minding a video store and watching Humphrey Bogart and Lauren Bacall in "The Big Sleep."

If you know Jeunet's refreshing, anything-goes style, it won't surprise you that doctors flip a coin in the operating room to decide Bazil's slim hope of survival.  For those unfamiliar with the filmmaker's playful nature of life's serious moments and those dealing with them, just go along with the absurdity and you're likely to quickly become a fan.

There's a little Charlie Chaplin and more than a little Buster Keaton in Boon's turn.  Bazil is a comic tragic figure.  Yet even though life keeps dealing him near-death blows, Bazil takes life one child-like wide-eyed moment at a time.

Fate brings him into a circle of junkyard dealing scavengers who take him in.  When Bazil happens upon the feuding weapons manufactures responsible for his unfortunate circumstances, the obscure skills of his foraging friends (Jean-Pierre Marielle as Slammer, Julie Ferrier as Elastic Girl, etc.) come into play as Jeunet rolls out the gadgets and shifts gear into a con man caper.

Leave it to the wonderfully creative Frenchman to come up with a way to involve a human cannonball in a comic sting operation.

The acting is inspired.  The story oozes creativity and a macabre comic tone.  Granted, the final reel may be a little too gimmicky for some at times.

That's merely a slight "Micmacs" nitpick.

Cruising for a bruising with Tom & Cameron

Cameron Diaz and Tom Cruise drive a starring vehicle.  (Twentieth Century Fox)

Knight and Day

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Running time: 109 minutes

MPAA rating: PG-13 (sequences of action violence throughout, brief strong profanity)

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"Knight and Day"

There's a lot to like about "Knight and Day," the high-octane starring vehicle for Tom Cruise and Cameron Diaz.

The source material is the first element to admire.  This fast-paced three-step with romance, danger and comedy didn't evolve from someone's novel, or leap over tall buildings to get to the movie house from a comic book.  It didn't even morph from some computer geek's video game.

"Knight and Day" found life in something called a movie script.  Novel idea, that.

Screenwriter Patrick O'Neill, a former TV writer ("Dead Last"), came up with the story; a globe-trotting action-comedy about a mysterious secret agent who may or may not be the good guy and a civilian sucked into fast-paced, bullet-dodging danger via a seemingly random collision with a handsome stranger at an airport.

June Havens (Diaz) boards a plane in Wichita, Kan. to attend her sister's wedding in Boston.  That guy with the wide grin and the sunglasses from the earlier encounter is flirting a little with her.  So June excuses herself to go to the lavatory to sort things out.

When she returns to her seat, Roy Miller (Cruise), the suave guy, offers her a drink and the news that everyone on the plane is dead, including the pilots, and they are about to have an up-close and personal look at the cornfields of Indiana.

What follows is a series of spectacular action set pieces at various take-your-breath-away locales around the world from Austria to Seville.  The bad guys (or the real good guys?)  led by CIA agent Fitzgerald (Peter Sarsgaard of "An Education") and Roy shoot it out and duke it out for control of a new, high-tech energy source.  

As if it's not enough to bring in Paul Dano (the brooding teen of "Little Miss Sunshine") as Simon, the brilliant young inventor, "Knight and Day" throws in Spanish star Jordi Mollà ("Blow," "Bad Boys II") as Antonio, a weapons kingpin.

With homage to classic globe-hopping adventures like "North by Northwest" and "Charade," "Knight and Day" goes through the exotic motions with a light heart and an itchy trigger-finger.

We can thank very good director James Mangold for the fact that it works.  Mangold injected vibrant new life into both the musical biopic and the Western with "Walk the Line" in 2005 and "3:10 to Yuma" two years later.  There's no secret ingredient to making a film like this work.  Just pair up two exceptional movie stars and hope that when you light the chemistry dynamite it goes off.

That formula only half-ignited when Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie stepped in front of the camera as a bored married couple who (unbeknownst to each other) were also highly trained assassins in "Mr. and Mrs. Smith" (2005). 

Cruise and Diaz shared the screen in the decidedly different sci-fi thriller  "Vanilla Sky" in 2001.  They have a delicious rapport in this one.  They go about their sometimes silly business as the seasoned professionals they are.  I could do without the "varooming with the bulls" scene where Cruise (who loves to hop a Harley in his movies) and Diaz flee a stampede on a motorcycle.

Otherwise, "Knight and Day" rocks as a very good date movie with fast-action for the guys and romance for the ladies.

Third time a charming 'Toy Story' too

Woody (Tom Hanks) chats escape strategy with Chatter Telephone (Teddy Newton).  (Walt Disney Pictures)

Toy Story 3

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Running time: 102 minutes

MPAA rating: G (general audiences)

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"Toy Story 3"

Well, kids of all ages, there's still plenty of entertainment giddyup left in Woody's pull-string.

"Toy Story 3" defies the usual second-sequel doldrums with a rousing story and spirited, lovable characters, as well as a sweet-talking villain in the form of a cuddly teddy bear that smells like strawberries.

The 11-year gap between the second "Toy Story" and this one evaporates the instant a frolicsome blend of computer animated characters both familiar and new launch an emotional adventure that, believe it or not, pushes Woody, Buzz Lightyear and pals to the brink of fiery toy hell, a.k.a. the furnace at the city dump.

The first "Toy Story" arrived in 1995 with the impact of last year's "Avatar."  John Lasseter and his creative geniuses over at Pixar altered the animation universe with mind-boggling technology.  Woody (voiced by Tom Hanks), Buzz (Tim Allen), Mr. Potato Head (Don Rickles) and the rest of a boy named Andy's pals rolled out of the cinematic toy box as the first full-length animated feature created entirely in a computer (CG) by artists.

The challenge this time for Lasseter and his Pixar staff, who now create under the Disney banner, was to tone done today's advanced computer technology.  The goal, achieved grandly, I might add, was for the 21st century versions of Andy's toy box pals to maintain the original tone of movement.

That accomplished, Lasseter (executive producer this time after directing the first two) and director Lee Unkrich (co-director of "Toy Story 2") sought to continue the exhilarating combination of action-adventure, comedy and heartfelt feelings.

The story, conceived by Lasseter, Unkrich and "WALL-E" writer-director Andrew Stanton, dips high and low on the emotional roller coaster.   Andy, once again voiced by John Morris, is 17 and packing for college.  What to do with his childhood pals?  Trash 'em or box them up for the attack his mom (Laurie Metcalf) dictates.

There's a mix-up and all the toys except Woody are set out with the trash.  This is the point where the latest "Toy Story" moves beyond quirky to something a little darker than you will expect from a PG rating.  Michael Arndt, an Academy Award winner for his edgy "Little Miss Sunshine" screenplay, sends Woody and the gang off to Sunnyside Daycare.

It appears perfect  at first.  Rex (Wallace Shawn), cowgirl Jessie (Joan Cusack) and the rest haven't been given playtime attention in years.  But Lotso (Ned Beatty), the deceivingly sweet-sounding teddy bear in charge, wants to throw the new arrivals in the path of what a battered Buzz Lightyear later refers to as "inappropriate age behavior."

Levity balances the weight of the adventure at times.  And never better than when Barbie (Jodi Benson) meets Ken (Michael Keaton) and falls head-over-high, high heels for a guy who appears to be nothing more than a Barbie fashion accessory. (And a light-in-the-loafers one at that.)

Know this, though, parents:  Arndt pushes this tale into dangerous plot turns.  In fact, he presses it into dark areas where probably almost any other scribe writing for kids would back off.

Thankfully, Lasseter and his computer gurus embrace the dangerous story curves and pepper them with delightful and frightful new toys.  My personal favorite is the ominous cymbal-clanging monkey in charge of Sunnyside security.

"Toy Story 3" may be a little too scary for very little kids.  Otherwise, the magic is back for an unprecedented third time.

'Joan Rivers' peels away celebrity layers

Joan being Joan.  (IFC Films)

Joan Rivers --

A Piece of Work

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Running time: 84 minutes

MPAA rating: R (profanity, sexual  humor)

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"Joan Rivers -- A Piece of Work"

"Oh, oh, can we talk?"

That Joan Rivers signature line never pops up in the soul-rattling documentary "Joan Rivers -- A Piece of Work."  Instead, we get the most obsessed, success-driven 76-year-old you'll likely ever meet with all pretense peeled away.

That, in itself, is astonishing news.  To many casual observers, Joan Rivers represents the exact opposite, a symbol of repeated plastic surgeries to hide, or at least fend off, the reality of aging.

Yet in front of the camera of directing and producing partners Ricki Stern and Annie Sundberg ("The Devil Came on Horseback," "The Trials of Darryl Hunt"), Rivers arrives and struggles to survive the treacherous, shark-infested show biz waters as an unabashed 76-year-old with more drive than most twentysomethings.

I'll reveal right up front that I arrived at the "Joan Rivers -- A Piece of Work" screening with high anticipation.  Not because I was primed for live performances and acerbic zingers from the "grand dame" of female comedians (Phyllis Diller might have something to say about that), but because it promised a rare behind-the-scenes look.

I was not disappointed.  Perhaps stunned a little, at times, but hardly left wanting for insight into Rivers in her 76th year.  That was 2009, a year when the couch potato public saw the determined show biz warrior survive even her own daughter Melissa to take the Season 2 winner's prize on Donald Trump's NBC reality  TV series "The Celebrity Apprentice."

The most revealing moments for me come when Rivers allows cameras into her opulent home.  She's in tears because her beloved dog has just died, or she reveals a mostly event-less performance calendar; a kiss of near-death for any performer.  Yet Rivers, a gifted comic who still longs to be taken seriously as an actress, is best summed up by a booking agent who gets to the pulsating heart of Rivers' drive:

"Joan Rivers will stand out in the rain longer than anyone else waiting for lightning to strike.  After everyone else has given up and gone inside, she's still out there in the rain.  Waiting."

That's the heart and soul of "Joan Rivers -- A Piece of Work," the most informatory backstage documentary I've ever had the pleasure of barely enduring.

 

"Comedian, the 2002 documentary with a self-absorbed title, chronicled Jerry Seinfeld’s return to stand-up comedy.  But it just scratched the surface of a comic’s self-doubt and anger compared to this.

 

Oh, oh, can we talk?

'Karate Kid' kicks into entertainment overdrive

Dre (Jaden Smith), left, gets a tour of China from Master Han (Jackie Chan).

The Karate Kid

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Running time: 140 minutes

MPAA rating: PG (bullying, martial arts action violence and some mild profanity)

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"The Karate Kid"

"Wax on, wax off" morphs into "Jacket on, jacket off" in the successfully re-imagined "Karate Kid."

With all due respect to the late Pat Morita, who, as mentor Mr. Miyagi was nominated for an Academy Award in 1985, this redux has more entertainment kick than the original.

The new, 21st century "Karate Kid" may lack just a little in the master role featuring kung fu legend Jackie Chan.  It soars in others areas, though.  Sorry, Ralph Macchio, but Jaden Smith doesn't just go through the motions of a bullied kid-in-training to take on his tormentor in a martial arts tournament.

If case you missed Jaden on screen with his superstar dad Will Smith in the emotional drama "The Pursuit of Happyness" in 2006 or in the doomsday drama "The Day the Earth Stood Still" in 2008, know this.  Jaden Smith can act.

That's what makes the familiar, yet sufficiently reshaped story enjoyable for parents.  And despite a laborious running time of well over two hours, the new version, set primarily in China, has a stand-up-and-cheer finish for "Karate Kid" newbies; its target audience.

"The Karate Kid" retains the tone (somber) and theme (surrogate father/son bonding) of the 1980s franchise.  Thanks to a generally effective script by first timer Christopher Murphey, the basic idea is jump-kicked to a higher emotional level.

There's no need for director Harald Zwart ("The Pink Panther 2" remake) to explain the fact that popular Detroit kid Dre Parker (Smith) has no father figure in his life.  Just before single mother Sherry Parker (Oscar nominee of Taraji P. Henson) and reluctant son take a cab to the airport and board a flight to Beijing, Dre takes one last look at the pencil mark on the door frame noting the day his father died.

Dre lands on his feet in a strange foreign land.  Before the jet lag has even subsided, the dread-locked kid from the U.S. has caught the eye of a young violinist in the park.  Meiying (Wenwen Han) is obviously intrigued by this animated stranger.  In movies like this, however, the bully has already claimed the girl.

Dre takes several beatings from advanced kung fu student Cheng (Zhenwei Wang), who shows no mercy in combat.  Finally, the aging apartment handyman, Mr. Han (Jackie Chan), steps in as protector.  Han turns out to be a secret kung fu master (with serious emotional baggage).  Once mentor and student hook up, the "Karate Kid" tale begins to glide along the track to a well-orchestrated ultimate showdown.

From this aisle seat, the secret weapon guiding this adventure to success is Jaden's dad Will, who, along with wife Jada Pinkett Smith, draws producer credit.  Will Smith is one of the sharpest minds in Hollywood.  Jaden, working exceptionally well opposite Chan, Han (the girl) and Wang (the bully), is amazingly prepared for the final reel fight scenes, as well as the comic and emotional training sessions that come before.

Chan, a master of acting as well as kung fu, injects the expected comic moments without overshadowing his dramatic scenes.

My only complaint about this well-crafted remake is that two hours and 20 minutes is too long to ask young kids to sit still for a drawn-out yarn, even if it does have a rousing finish.

'The A-Team': On the rogue again

Liam Neeson as the "A-Team" leader.
(20th Century Fox)

The A-Team

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Running time: 117 minutes

MPAA rating: PG-13 (intense sequences of action and violence throughout, profanity and smoking)

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"The A-Team"

Welcome to '80s Reboot Week at your neighborhood movie house.

Film-goers might just feel like they're in a time warp as they stroll multiplex hallways and see the re-imagined "Karate Kid" in one theater and a reconfigured "A-Team" in another.

It should surprise no one that "The A-Team" is a B-movie.

The campy TV action series that occupied NBC prime time from 1983 to 1987 provided an action fix, not logic.  The redux tones down the campy nature a little.  You'll never hear B.A., Mr. T's old character, growl, "I pity the fool," for instance.  Audiences are more sophisticated these days, according to the "A-Team" words of wisdom spun in the film's press notes.

This time we get nuance, if you'd like to call it that.  The first time B.A. batters bad guys with his fists, we notice the word "Pity" tattooed on the fingers of one hand and -- don't get ahead of me -- "Fool" on the other.

Mixed martial artist Quinton "Rampage" Jackson steps in as B.A., the A-Team wheel man who's in the wrong line of work to have a serious fear of flying.  At the center, though, is Liam Neeson as cigar-chomping leader and tactician Col.  John "Hannibal" Smith (the George Peppard role).  

Rising star Bradley Cooper ("The Hangover," "All About Steve") is Face, designated ladies man and sm-o-o-o-th talker.  Sharlto Copley, who sprang to the forefront from nowhere as Wikus in last year's "District 9," steps into the role of crazed-genius pilot "Howlin' Mad" Murdock.

Co-stars include excellent actor Patrick Wilson ("Watchmen") as mysterious CIA weasel Lynch, Jessica Biel ("The Illusionist") as Capt. Sosa, a former love of Face's, and somewhat laughable lines like this:

Face to Capt. Sosa during a heated confrontation:  "I forgot how beautiful you are."

"The A-Team," lensed north of the border with the Vancouver area of Canada doubling for Mexico, Baghdad, Germany, Los Angeles and other locales, rattles the theater speakers and singes the screen with plenty of fast-paced adrenalin-pumping explosions and near-cartoon-like action.

These special ops experts survived combat in Middle East conflicts.   The '80s quartet cut their teeth on napalm and treachery of the Vietnam War era.  Both sets of misunderstood soldiers of fortune were wrongly accused of walking off with war booty (robbing the Bank of Hanoi on TV/ stealing $100-bill U.S. currency plates from Baghdad in the current skirmish).

Director Joe Carnahan ("Smokin' Aces," "Narc") co-wrote this screenplay with actor/writer Brian Bloom (who plays Black Ops leader Pike) and Skip Woods, who co-wrote "X-Men Origins:  Wolverine" and penned the sly action-crime saga "Swordfish."  

There's just a hint of retro in this adventure that culminates in a big, explosive finish at the L.A. harbor.  Anyone who saw "MacGruber" recently might have slight "MacGyver" flashbacks.  The "A-Team" is plenty adept at warrior arts and crafts at a moment's notice and at grabbing odds and ends for parts to homemade weapons of mass destruction.

Quickly forgettable, "The A-Team" is like a carnival ride that briefly thrills and is fun, but won't linger long in the brain.

'Marmaduke' rolls over, plays dead

Marmaduke, voiced by Owen Wilson, hits the beach.  (Twentieth Century Fox)

Marmaduke

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Running time: 87 minutes

MPAA rating: PG (some rude humor and language)

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"Marmaduke"

When Bill Murray, playing himself, was milking the scene and taking a very long time to die in last year's horror spoof "Zombieland," he was asked if he had any regrets.

"Well, yeah, 'Garfield,' I guess," Murray said just before he expired.

Some day, Owen Wilson might be saying the same thing about the almost totally humorless "Marmaduke."

And here's some news that's even scarier.  Thanks to ever-advancing computer technology, filmmakers no longer have a problem making it appear that animals can talk.

So in "Marmaduke" the cartoon Great Dane making a clumsy, failed leap to the big screen can talk.  And so can all the other canines at a California dog park.  Humans, or "two-leggers," as Marmaduke calls them, can't understand a word they're woofing.

Of course if these dogs could really talk, they'd be on the phone to their agents demanding a better script. 

That's exactly what Owen Wilson should have done.  This is a family comedy only in the slightest definition of the term comedy.  Wilson is heard but not seen as the voice of Marmaduke, a 200-pound teenage dog uprooted from the Midwest to California's "O.C."

One sniff around the back yard and Marmaduke proclaims, "This is the nicest bathroom I've ever had."  

Director Tom Dey ("Failure to Launch," "Shanghai Noon"), no stranger to over-the-top silliness, did a fine job lining up talent for his dog voices.  Kiefer Sutherland talks tough as pure-bred bully Bosco, for instance, and Fergie of the Black Eyed Peas and Sam Elliott are fun as collie Jezebel and super-sized Chupadogra.

With "Marley & Me" and now this on his list of credits, the only doggie misadventure left for Wilson ("Wedding Crashers") is to portray a talking flea.

The plot is pocked by holes larger than the sinkhole that attempts, but fails to propel the plot when the screenwriters (Tim Rasmussen and Vince Di Meglio) are completely out of ideas.  This film begins and ends with a pointy-eared dog passing gas, if that tells you anything.

If your kids are under, say the age of 6 (no, make that 5), they might get some giggles out of a big dog jumping out of soapy bath water and dragging owner Phil (Lee Pace of "Pushing Daisies" on TV) through the house.

The "Beethoven" films were much more entertaining in the early '90s.  The St. Bernard that dragged people through the yard back then didn't have to say a word to get a laugh.

Big dog slobber was all that was required.

Raunchy 'Greek' remembers 'Sarah Marshall'

Jonah Hill, left, and Russell Brand go "Greek."  (Universal Pictures)

Get Him to the Greek

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Running time: 109 minutes

MPAA rating: R (strong sexual content and drug use throughout,  pervasive language, nudity)

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"Get Him to the Greek"

"Get Him to the Greek" is a spin-off of "Forgetting Sarah Marshall," director Nicholas Stoller's 2008 romantic breakup comedy.

Don't call it a sequel, though.  "Get Him to the Greek" features two actors, Jonah Hill and Russell Brand, from the earlier hit.  But only one character made the squad cut.  Think of it as "The Scorpion King" branching out from "The Mummy" franchise, or "Wolverine" going back to his steel-finger roots  sans the other "X-Men" freaks.

Aldous Snow (Brand), the British rock star who showed up with vacationing title character Sarah Marshall (Kristen Bell), is front and decidedly off-center in the new comic misadventure.  Hill returns as well, but not as Matthew, the groupie, songwriting Hawaiian resort waiter he played a couple years back.

This time Hill takes on Aaron Green, a Los Angeles record company underling.  Green has three days to jet to London, pick up trashed, boozing, drugging rock star Snow and get him first to New York for an appearance on "The Today Show" and then to L.A. for a make-or-break reunion concert at the Greek Theater.

"Get Him to the Greek" spills onto the screen from the Judd Apatow stable of "Knocked Up," "Superbad" and "Forgetting Sarah Marshall," among others.  It feels more like "The Hangover," in that it spews alcohol, sex, drugs and rock 'n' roll debauchery to new cinematic lows.

Stoller, who also penned the script, was correct in assuming there was more comic money in the bank when it came to Brand's over-the-mountaintop rock star persona.  And he was correct that Brand and Hill created some comic sparks in "Sarah Marshall."  His problem here is assuming that Hill (who strangely draws top billing) and Brand can sustain that level of amusement for the entire length of a feature film.

Snow doesn't board the plane quietly or on schedule, of course.  There is much partying to do.  Many girls to kiss, a few car hoods to stomp and liquor to drink, spill and spew.  The rock music god who once flew high on hits, is now riding high on debauchery.

His girlfriend, former supermodel Jackie Q. (Rose Byrne of "Damages" and "Knowing" on TV) launched the binge by saying during a TV interview that Snow is no fun since he chucked the booze seven years earlier.  So Aaron, a semi-family guy having trouble with his live-in girlfriend Daphne (Elisabeth Moss of "Did You Hear About the Morgans?") back home, enters a perfect storm of booze and remorse.

Who knows if this is the last we'll see of Brand as rocker Aldous Snow, which is beginning to come across as his "Borat" to Sacha Baron Cohen.  Know this, though, Brand is a movie star poised to break out in a huge way.

Hill, a decent enough actor, can be funny in brief support spurts; with Adam Sandler and Seth Rogen in last year's "Funny People," for instance.  The third time he threw up in this wild comic ride, though, I began to focus on anything other than his face.  (You can't trust a spewer after three projectile incidents.)  

"Get Him to the Greek" isn't as consistently funny as you might expect or as I would like.  Like "Sarah Marshall," however, it occasionally detours into bittersweet heartfelt drama that provides the lower regions of the emotional roller coaster.