Authors make all kinds of absurd claims about their books. Frankly, that makes me sad.
Take my new book (Please!) Did I Write That Out Loud?, for instance.
I could claim that my new book bursting with entertaining essays about the raucous, roller coaster life of a veteran humorist, public speaker, film critic and stand-up comedian (that would be me) will lift your spirits.
It will, but I won't claim that.
Or, I could promise that you'll go behind the scenes and be amazed at what happened the day I sat down to interview Shirley MacLaine and she wasn't pleased with the lighting.
You will be amazed, but I'm not about to claim that, either.
All I'm going to promise is that if you buy Did I Write That Out Loud? you'll lose a few pounds.*
My new -- and first, I might add -- book covers topics such as why my family doctor broke up with me, what happens when pants begin to have minds of their own and news that the Cold War, a different Cold War, still rages.
I try to write from my heart and my funny bone, so even subjects such as a late-night encounter with paramedics, job loss and my father's late-life crisis are skewed with truth softened with humor.
Or as I like to put it, "We might as well laugh. It's only life."
About this time you're probably saying to yourself, "This is incredible! Where can I get my hands on a book like this?"
Not to worry. Just click this link to go to the Did I Write That Out Loud? page at the Amazon.com website. You can be the proud owner of this hot, hot, hot collection of hilarious and heartfelt essays in paperback for the ridiculous price of only $8.95.
And that's for an exciting new book that's already on the best seller list. Excuse me. So sorry, I meant to say the "best cellar" list.
But wait, there's more. Do you prefer to read books on a Kindle? We've got you covered for under five bucks. $4.99 to be exact.
So order away. Just in time for the holidays, Did I Write That Out Loud? is the perfect feel-good solution to the age-old question "What can I get for the person who has everything?" Well, they don't have this surefire cure for the blues, the blahs and boredom.
You want it gift wrapped? Amazon.com can handle that as well.
Oh, and one more thing. About that claim that you can lose a few pounds reading Did I Write That Out Loud?:
* You will only lose pounds if you buy this book in Great Britain, British Overseas Territories, the South Sandwich Islands and the British Antarctic Territory, as well as Tristan de Cunha, where the British Pound is used as currency.