Lindsay Lohan's slammer jam: No tweeting

Ms. Lohan's temporary new home. 

(Courtesy:  Moondogsports.com)

Oh the inhumanity!

According to a People magazine article by Ken Lee, newly arrived Lynwood, CA jail resident Lindsay Lohan can't Tweet or smoke while she's serving a 90-day parole violation jail sentence that'll likely result in only a couple weeks of slammer time.

And, if the "Mean Girls" co-star was wearing hair extensions on the way in, they have been, shall we say, unextended.  The extensions, if there were any, would be returned to Lohan on the way out.

"According to a jail insider, Lohan will be housed in a 12-by-8 cell next to E! reality TV star Alexis Neiers, 19, who's currently at Lynwood on a six-month sentence for her part in burglarizing Orlando Bloom's house.

"But Neiers got the more famous digs: She's in the cell once occupied by Paris Hilton," the People magazine article adds.

Maybe Lohan can't Tweet, but that doesn't mean she can't communicate with the outside world.  Twitter dispatches can be passed along to others to post for her during visitations.  

And here's another major blow to the "dignity" of the formerly good actress ("Mean Girls," "A Prairie Home Companion") who has evolved for whatever reason (I have my theories) into a glam "bad girl" celebrity.  Name-brand products are banned behind bars.

For a semi-starlet who feeds on the ever-present glare of the paparazzi spotlight, that's the equivalent of being forced to seek out generic products on Rodeo Drive in Beverly Hills.

Jokes are flying, of course.  David Letterman said the other night that Lohan is already in trouble in jail for converting a shiv into a nail file.  I got a hearty laugh Wednesday afternoon during a speaking engagement at Richland College in Dallas.

After being introduced, I thanked the audience for coming out in the sizzling, near 100 degree afternoon heat "for the Free Lindsay Lohan from Prison Rally."

Jail time is no laughing matter.  So shame on all of us.  And how dare authorities lock up a "celebrity" like Lohan and deprive her of her smokes, her Tweets and her hair extensions.  (I'm not saying she was wearing any, but just in case she was.)

It could be worse, of course.  Virgil Starkwell, the bumbling petty criminal played by Woody Allen in "Take the Money and Run," was thrown into a dusty, solitary confinement hole for a botched escape attempt.  (He carved a gun out of soap./It rained on Escape Night./It happens.)

Prison guards put an annoying life insurance salesman in with Starkwell as the ultimate humiliation.

As far as I know, though, Virgil could have kept his hair extensions, if he was wearing any.